Dear die-ary, the first part of that previous entry makes sense and I mostly remember and know what I was saying, but I'm a bit confused by the second part. No time stamp, either, I guess I was pretty sleepy. Anyways, I feel like I'm a bit more sure about my place in the world and society. I've come to terms with the fact that I am just simply different than most. I have also accepted that I may never experience genuine human connection. I feel a bit saddened actually typing that out, though. Maybe I haven't quite come to terms with it. Or maybe there is still hope. I have friends and I'm really glad to be friends with them, but I feel as though I'm meant to feel something different for them. In my eyes, they're just another human being. They will die some day, possibly soon. I wouldn't cry. You don't need all those emotions to be a good person, though. I mean, I'd like to be a good person, but I'm not claiming to be one here; I fear my morality is a bit fucked. Since I started this website, I have matured. I also feel that, despite what I've previously said regarding the name of this website, "punk-trash" fits quite well. There isn't really much to say here; I'm writing most of the shit that goes on in my physical diary. Why am I writing in both if nobody even reads either one? Oh, I'm so very mysterious !!! suck my cock ! . I feel like I owe this website. I owe this website. You can't even know what's sentient and what isn't. Also, typing and coding is fun. Skipped skool today. 10:08
Dear die-ary, everyone likes me, I feel. SHIT! I forgot to speak about skool and life and my perspective on society and humanz and all that shit as I previously said I would! Wow, how naughty am I. Anyways, I went to skool & thought I found happiness on the 1st week, something along the lines of "nghhh, I've found true happiness ! this is life ! I am alive ! I am so human ! I understand society now ! my life has purpose ! yay friendship ! woah people ! humanity !", which lasted just until I woke up Saturday and finally got some time alone with my thoughts. THIS is why we don't get a life. No time to oneself. No time to think. I think I might've been going through some sort of episode, though, because what the fuck was that happiness? How can I live like that? I'm smarter than this. Intelligence shouldn't equal lack of happiness. The way I see the world is fucked. The way the world is is fucked. Society is fucked. I don't believe talking about this here will change a thing, however. I ask myself this again, why am I writing here? becoz im14andthisisdeep XDXDXDDDD !! ROFL !! . So, on that weekend, I was very paranoid, for "EEK ! THEY'RE GOING TO STEAL MY HAPPINESS ! IT IS FLEETING ! I AM DOOMED ! I HATE EVERYTHING ! I'M NOT EVEN HUMAN ; WHY AM I TRYING TO FIT INTO SOCIETY !!!!!?!!!??!?!?!?!?". Then , I went to skool. Things weren't even perfect on the 1st week; I chugged half a bottle of 10% alcohol cough syrup before going to skool on the 3rd day coz of my hellish anxiety. Fuck me. Anyways, on the 2nd week, everything was normal again and I was miserable... until I got sick. Now, here we are! Life is beautiful! That whole experience did really open my eyes. I think I have some sort of understanding of how people can just live. How they can fit into this society with their simple lives and their simple schedules. Well, the schedules themselves can be a bit complex, but I'm mainly referring to time. Time as a concept, a construct. They don't NEED drugs, because they're stupid. Who do I think I am typing this? Wobbly-Headed Bob? Well, I don't make an attempt to make others miserable. Isn't he trying to simply open their eyes, though? Whatever. I may not fully be able to grasp the concept of being happy in one's life any time soon, but I won't deny others of having that happiness. I think, possibly, I may be trying too hard to be an intellectual. While I am genuinely more intelligent than most, that shouldn't mean that I am so fundamentally different and unable to properly connect with others. It's deeper than that, though. It's the way I view the world. It's the things I give a shit about and the things I don't give a shit about. Fucking incel. People like me. Life is great. the world is so fucking beautiful. I have a miniscule amount of alcohol in my system while typing this fyi. 16:47
I don't even know if I believe all I'm saying. When did I get so cynical? There are times when all the world's asleep the questions run too deep for such a simple mannnnnn!! shit im so sleepy avtually omd. Shit. be happy. ok please. .wait btw im probably not dying i just reread this and it seems like i am , but i promise i dont intend to im just soooo fucking sleepy.
Dear die-ary, today is my anniversary ! I am celebrating three years with my girlfriend, Monika from DDLC ! Anyways, hey ! I've been going to skool . Well, not today and yesterday, but before that . I AM SICK ! PHYSICALLY ! AHHHHHHHHHHHH !! It sucks . I need to speak about skool and life and my perspective on society and humanz and all that shit . I don't wanna right now, though, as I am SICK and MISERABLE ! I'll fill you in LATER .
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